*Practically Singing*

The world, is lookin' up, for me!
Yes the world, has fin'lly taken, a shine to me.
And my heart, has never felt, so full, before.
'Cause the world, is lookin' up, for me!!

Okay... I'm done singing.
Still happy though :)

Converse and Loneliness

Special thanks there to invisiblexink on DeviantART, for managing to portray what was on my mind.

What does that picture make you think of? Remind you of?

It makes me think about anxiety, worry, loneliness. But then I think, Converse is a sign of strength to me (despite almost everyone I know owning at least one pair, and half of them having no inner strength). To me, anyway, Converse is a sign of strength. I wear my Chucks with pride, all four pairs of them, (but not all at once, obviously).

The Ramones, Kurt Cobain, even Chuck Taylor himself, they were all amazing people with amazing taste in shoes.

But Converse has just become another fashion statement. It's not about the story behind the shoes, or she story behind the wearer. It's all about "I got a pair of purple Converse to match my new jeans!" and "Oh my God! Where did you get those lime green Converse? Everyone seems to have those now! I want some!"

That's not what it should be about. Converse are too good to be thrown in with all the other six month fashion frolics. I know I'll be wearing mine long after they go "out of style" and become "so last season".

You think I give a shit about what every other sodding person in the country is currently wearing on their feet? Not really, as long as it isn't Converse. Give Converse back their identity and we'll let you carry on with following every single other trend, you mother f**king sheep!

Okay... my rant about shoes is over now. You may continue what you were doing before you wasted your time reading this.

Love

love 
noun, verb, loved, lov⋅ing.
–noun
1.a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person.
2.a feeling of warm personal attachment or deep affection, as for a parent, child, or friend.
3.sexual passion or desire.
4.a person toward whom love is felt; beloved person; sweetheart.
5.(used in direct address as a term of endearment, affection, or the like): Would you like to see a movie, love?
6.a love affair; an intensely amorous incident; amour.
7.sexual intercourse; copulation.
8.(initial capital letter) a personification of sexual affection, as Eros or Cupid.
9.affectionate concern for the well-being of others: the love of one's neighbor.
10.strong predilection, enthusiasm, or liking for anything: her love of books.
11.the object or thing so liked: The theater was her great love.
12.the benevolent affection of God for His creatures, or the reverent affection due from them to God.
13.Chiefly Tennis. a score of zero; nothing.
14.a word formerly used in communications to represent the letter L.
–verb (used with object)
15.to have love or affection for: All her pupils love her.
16.to have a profoundly tender, passionate affection for (another person).
17.to have a strong liking for; take great pleasure in: to love music.
18.to need or require; benefit greatly from: Plants love sunlight.
19.to embrace and kiss (someone), as a lover.
20.to have sexual intercourse with.
–verb (used without object)
21.to have love or affection for another person; be in love.—Verb phrase
22.love up, to hug and cuddle: She loves him up every chance she gets. —Idioms
23.for love,
a.out of affection or liking; for pleasure.
b.without compensation; gratuitously: He took care of the poor for love.
24.for the love of, in consideration of; for the sake of: For the love of mercy, stop that noise.
25.in love, infused with or feeling deep affection or passion: a youth always in love.
26.in love with, feeling deep affection or passion for (a person, idea, occupation, etc.); enamored of: in love with the girl next door; in love with one's work.
27.make love,
a.to embrace and kiss as lovers.
b.to engage in sexual activity.
28.no love lost, dislike; animosity: There was no love lost between the two brothers.

Origin: bef. 900; (n.) ME; OE lufu, c. OFris luve, OHG luba, Goth lubō; (v.) ME lov(i)en, OE lufian; c. OFris luvia, OHG lubōn to love, L lubēre (later libēre) to be pleasing; akin to lief

Synonyms:1. tenderness, fondness, predilection, warmth, passion, adoration. 1, 2. Love, affection, devotion all mean a deep and enduring emotional regard, usually for another person. Love may apply to various kinds of regard: the charity of the Creator, reverent adoration toward God or toward a person, the relation of parent and child, the regard of friends for each other, romantic feelings for another person, etc. Affection is a fondness for others that is enduring and tender, but calm. Devotion is an intense love and steadfast, enduring loyalty to a person; it may also imply consecration to a cause. 2. liking, inclination, regard, friendliness. 15. like. 16. adore, adulate, worship.
Antonyms:1, 2. hatred, dislike. 15, 16. detest, hate.

All those definitions, and yet none of them sum up what love means to me.

I'm not going to attempt to put into what words what love does mean to me, I thought I'd just share that with you, while it was on my mind.

Blaziken, I choose you!

I love a Pokémon!

A very confused Pokémon.

And "SHIT!", I've run out of full heals.

Where did I put that Yellow Flute?! Damnit! I sold it at the Pokémart in Slateport!

Last resort, a Persim berry... Yes! I have one!

Thing is, I'm confused as well.

Sunday 24th May 2009

I have got myself into a most peculiar and unfortunate situation.

The exact same situation I did not want to get myelf into.

But it's not that bad. Because it's mainly mutual.

But still.

I can't help but smile, despite the pain I feel inside, for she makes me so happy...

Jesus Christ.

Well my heart has started working again, which is a good thing I suppose. It's been long enough, and I was missing the feeling.

There have been two main things on my mind, Her, and love. And also Her AND love, together. But in all fairness, however much I like having these feelings back, they're no good. I can't be having them.

They're not indecent, just inpractical among other things.

And I'm not ready for this... not ready at all.

I need to get my head around being the older person, the supportive half, before anything else. Because that's what I'm struggling with most... and it's not pretty up there *taps noggin*. Not pretty at all.

But whatever.

No one cares.

Bittersweet memories, that is all I'm taking with me...

So, goodbye. Please don't cry.
We both know, I'm not what you, you need.
And I will always love you.
I will always love you.

I'm a bit frightened.
I booked my tickets for San Diego this summer, and now I'm worried I'll muck up and they'll all hate me!
Okay... so maybe that's going a bit too far, but I'm still worried that I won't get along with people how I think I will.
But I'm still excited. So it's all good!

I'll tell you what else is good... I met a new girl last week.
Her name is Sasha, and she is amazing! Unbelievably like myself it's scary, and the rapport is explosive. We already have such a good relationship, and we've known each other for a week!

Three bad points:
She's taken.
She lives three and a half hours away.
She's over a year younger.

While I'll admit age doesn't mean anything, and it wouldn't stop me going out with her, it's been really difficult on me these past few days coming to terms with the fact that one of these days I'm going to become the supportive half in a relationship, the older, stronger person rather than what I have been in the past. I tend to be a clingy person who falls back on my partner, however hard that might be to believe.
There's a battle going on in my brain.. and it hurts!

There are thousands of good points, so there's no point even attempting to list them in order to counteract the "bad point" list.
We've been playing The Game. One person asks the other a question, and that person answers and then asks the other a different question. You start off with small, simple questions and the more the game progresses, the deeper and more personal they get. The Game only ends when one person refuses to answer a question, and that question gets bounced back to the asker. If that person then answers the question, they become the winner.
We're going good!

So she's one more person to add to the ever-growing list of people I have romantic feelings toward at this moment in time. It has now gone up to four people. How ridiculous?

I was helping Sasha with her homework earlier! *Smiles* She wanted to carry on playing The Game, but I told her we were not carrying on until she got her homework done. She told me that she could multi-task, but I said not until she had at least ten points down. I don't want her falling behind like I did.

I can't stop going on about her, I just realised. And I'll probably be going on, and on, and on, and on about her for a while. Just because she is THAT amazing! :)

There are few people I am truly glad I have met... she is one of them.

I'll be back soon, I promise.

Take care o' yourself xxxx